Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
