At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
