tell your sister to shave her snatch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
