what day is it and did you see me today?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
