I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
