Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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