Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
