my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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