I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
