Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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