Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her vagine was all disorganized.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
