Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
