a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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