I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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