I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
