I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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