Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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