I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize