Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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