That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
