Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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