whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
