I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
