I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
