Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
