Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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