He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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