I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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