we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
