I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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