Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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