the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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