I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
