Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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