Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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