I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
