Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
