Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
