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"it" just moved
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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