It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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