I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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