I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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