Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
