I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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