the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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