she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
