I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize