singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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