There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize