If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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