i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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