perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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