Only a mothe r could love this liver
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
