I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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