I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
