We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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