Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
