when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
