If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
