its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize