he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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