Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
